the 941

This roundup’s been idling in the blog machine for days, and we still can’t fix the formatting, so here goes the [Stop] route. Our apologies. [Stop]

A day to defeat the video game, a lifetime to live down the shame. [Stop] Big ups to web traffic! [Stop] Jessica Simpson to stump for beer. A light beer. Substance-less, in fact. Yep, that sounds about right. [Stop] Winehouse back to rehab-Blake redux. Again. Once more. [Stop] Dave Matthews’ sax player LeRoi Moore, dead at 46. RIP. [Stop] Hasbro’s Clue circa ‘08: The butler did it, in the bathroom at Koi, with the knife seen in those scandalous pics with Lindsay Lohan. And don’t forget the super powers. [Stop] Not content to live la vida loca with one bambino, Ricky Martin does dos at once. [Stop] Forbes reveals the hip hoppers living largest. (Guess which money-monikered rapper?) [Stop] The New York Post has no love for our Cous Cous. That’s okay, we have plenty. [Stop] Bleep, meet the new bleeping bleep. Really bleeping funny, you bleeper. 

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First things first: Somebody’s getting it…

David Beckham, The Musical. Tee hee, they said “Goldenballs.”

Phelps’ pop culture domination begins/continues.

Kellogg’s trumps Wheaties for Phelps promo gold: Ahhh, snap!

Phelps’ backlash begins/continues.

“Fierce, flawless and fabulous” mommas-to-be: Christian Siriano to design for the preggers set. Next up, haute baby messes.

Just in time for the first week back: The economy cuts class.

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Chapter 11 — Tough cookies for Mrs. Fields.

Julia Child, secret agent chef.

30 Seconds sued for 30 million for failing to deliver the “goods.” (Shouldn’t Jordan Catalano and co. get a bonus for NOT making “music”?)

Where were you when Phelps landed his eighth (and his seventh the night prior)?

That means none of us were at the movies, and the numbers prove it.

August anniversary, part 1: E.P.’s death.

August anniversary, part 2: Madge’s birth.

Trump’s latest role: McMahon’s landlord.

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P. Hilton sued for shutting the flip up. Isn’t that a sign of the apocalypse? All of that?

P. Diddy should be sued for not shutting the flip up.

Aw, we heart you, comeback Britz: You can take the country out of the girl, but…

Elvis and Priscilla Barbie dolls. They’re right about the plastic Priscilla thing, just waaaaay early. (Now where’s our matching Graceland Barbie Dreamhouse?)

Uncle Joey finally talks about that song. You oughta know what we’re talking about.

The Chupacabra does exist, and this proves it. Really?

Bigfoot, too, though alive? Not so much.

Another broken record for Phelps, another broken ratings record for NBC.

“John Edwards in a onesie.” Gadzooks.

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Comedian Dane Cook gives a blow-by-blow commentary on the poster for his new movie. Here’s the thing. He’s funny. Kind of.

The latest Olympic scandal: Lip synching kiddies!

This just in[visible]: Super awesome cloak coming soon.

Ben Stiller responds to Tropic Thunder controversy. Yeah, we’re still seeing it, too.

Forbes ranks the top-earning celeb chefs: Rachael Ray prevails, our beloved Bourdain barely placed with a paltry $1.5 million.

In other gourmet news, Tommy Boy Cruise lands his latest role. Speaking of Senor Crazypants™…

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Funny: We always think “sleeping on it” is the way to go.

A Martha Stewart parody show = A very good thing.

Heroes star Hayden: She’s just a cheerleader, and her folks are only human. Or something.

The Batman, still on top.

Aw-right, aw-right, aw-right, aw-right. McConaugHAAAY talks fatherhood. And placentas.

Olympics opening ceremony scores ratings gold. Yeah, that was a weak one, we admit. It’s Monday.

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Bernie Mac…

Again, that. is. all.

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Isaac Hayes, dead at 65.

That is all.

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Cheetos = Crime solving in Minnesota.

Girl-skewing Disney Channel to court the little boys. So many jokes we could make here, but, since it’s Friday, make your own.

The man CL likes to call The Baboon is a hurtin’ real hard. Break out the Kleenex.

On that note, buy those holiday airline tickets now.

Still more signs of a limp, flaccid economy.

Jewel yodels her way down the aisle. Ah, Jewel… remember this? Priceless.

Kanye: Egomaniac, psychotic blogger, media mogul, defender of the Gays.

Speaking of which, ahem, Mr. T…

Jimmy Cameron on his new techno geek-out: 60% CGI, 40% live action, 110% “A woman’s heart is a deep ocean of secrets” dialogue doodie.

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The Bard’s original theater un-buried.

To catch you up, and it IS worth doing… Anderson Cooper vs. the Lohans, Part 1. (While we’re at it, our take.)

Part 2: Dina Dearest fires back.

Part 3: Andy responds. Ah, SNAP!

C’mon. Is this yawn-worthy report of Winehouse-induced yawns only an across-the-pond yawn? [Yawn.]

First Diddy pimps a booze, now Dre (to coincide with his Detox album, natch). Who’s next? Amy Winehouse? Yawn.

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