the 941

Chapter 11 — Tough cookies for Mrs. Fields.

Julia Child, secret agent chef.

30 Seconds sued for 30 million for failing to deliver the “goods.” (Shouldn’t Jordan Catalano and co. get a bonus for NOT making “music”?)

Where were you when Phelps landed his eighth (and his seventh the night prior)?

That means none of us were at the movies, and the numbers prove it.

August anniversary, part 1: E.P.’s death.

August anniversary, part 2: Madge’s birth.

Trump’s latest role: McMahon’s landlord.

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P. Hilton sued for shutting the flip up. Isn’t that a sign of the apocalypse? All of that?

P. Diddy should be sued for not shutting the flip up.

Aw, we heart you, comeback Britz: You can take the country out of the girl, but…

Elvis and Priscilla Barbie dolls. They’re right about the plastic Priscilla thing, just waaaaay early. (Now where’s our matching Graceland Barbie Dreamhouse?)

Uncle Joey finally talks about that song. You oughta know what we’re talking about.

The Chupacabra does exist, and this proves it. Really?

Bigfoot, too, though alive? Not so much.

Another broken record for Phelps, another broken ratings record for NBC.

“John Edwards in a onesie.” Gadzooks.

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This image, taken of a certain sports fan and Olympics attendee, kinda says it all, doncha think?

“ASU! ASU! ASU!”

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Comedian Dane Cook gives a blow-by-blow commentary on the poster for his new movie. Here’s the thing. He’s funny. Kind of.

The latest Olympic scandal: Lip synching kiddies!

This just in[visible]: Super awesome cloak coming soon.

Ben Stiller responds to Tropic Thunder controversy. Yeah, we’re still seeing it, too.

Forbes ranks the top-earning celeb chefs: Rachael Ray prevails, our beloved Bourdain barely placed with a paltry $1.5 million.

In other gourmet news, Tommy Boy Cruise lands his latest role. Speaking of Senor Crazypants™…

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Funny: We always think “sleeping on it” is the way to go.

A Martha Stewart parody show = A very good thing.

Heroes star Hayden: She’s just a cheerleader, and her folks are only human. Or something.

The Batman, still on top.

Aw-right, aw-right, aw-right, aw-right. McConaugHAAAY talks fatherhood. And placentas.

Olympics opening ceremony scores ratings gold. Yeah, that was a weak one, we admit. It’s Monday.

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The Bard’s original theater un-buried.

To catch you up, and it IS worth doing… Anderson Cooper vs. the Lohans, Part 1. (While we’re at it, our take.)

Part 2: Dina Dearest fires back.

Part 3: Andy responds. Ah, SNAP!

C’mon. Is this yawn-worthy report of Winehouse-induced yawns only an across-the-pond yawn? [Yawn.]

First Diddy pimps a booze, now Dre (to coincide with his Detox album, natch). Who’s next? Amy Winehouse? Yawn.

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Ya think the economy sucks now, just wait a little longer, ‘cuz it’s gonna get much worse.

• What does the government know that it’s not telling us? I only ask because it appears the feds are stockpiling freeze-dried food. Just try to find #10 cans of any freeze-dried product.

• Karl Rove is starting to panic.

• Wanna watch all of NBC’s online coverage for the Olympics? Well, you have to be running Windows Vista. If you have a Mac, forget it. Wanna watch on your phone? Too bad. Still running XP because you hate Vista? Microsoft is going to find some way to strongarm you into using the product it wants you to use.

• Obama needs to rein in some of his more rabid campaign staffers. It’s just not a good idea to piss of the New York Times.

• The price of success - Apple is selling more and more computers and hackers have started to notice.

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President George W. Bush claimed last week that the source of all our economic troubles was that “Wall St. got drunk.” Finally the man is talking about something has has knowledge of.

• Former NASA astronaut makes claims about alien contact.

• Exploring Bush’s historic abuse of power. Read the whole Salon.com series here.

• Is Obama in serious danger of sliding too far to the middle to call himself the “change” candidate?

• Are we still moving toward martial law?

• If cities are not liable for dangerous streets, why are we still liable for paying taxes?

• You know the banking system is insolvent when…

• Gas prices could drop to $3.50 by Labor Day. Who ever thought that would be an enticing price to pay for petrol?

• Osama bin Laden’s driver: Flight 93 was shot down by U.S.

• This needs to be the next Olympic sport:

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• This week in the military-industrial complex — Part 1 and Part 2.

• The GOP is finally beginning to acknowledge that it’s not a good year to be a Republican and that the November election could be a bloodbath.

• Of course, being a Republican may not be such a crutch if Hillary Clinton decides to go nuclear and destroy her own party if she can’t be president. Why does it seem that Bill and Hillary just can’t let go?

• Through a combination of political interference and supression of science, the Bush administration has trashed the EPA. But hey, they only care for the air you breathe and the water you drink.

• In a survey taken in other countries, the USA ranked dead last in terms of how we are perceived as environmentalists. We were even behind China, where the air is so foul, London bookies are now taking bets on how many Olympic athletes will die this August.

• Ready to let Sarasota become the next city in the world’s police state of closed circuit television cameras? Think the 2 million cameras in London’s “Ring of Steel” prevent crime? Think again.

• Want to grow your own garden? Especially in these lean times? You need less space than you think to grow all the food you need, even in an urban environment.

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