theCLog

Check out this hilarious spoof brought to you by Funny Or Die. See it HERE.

“Finally, a candidate our vaginas can relate to!”

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By Matt Brunson

FEELING BLUE: Diane Lane in Nights in Rodanthe.

NIGHTS IN RODANTHE
**
DIRECTED BY George C. Wolfe
STARS Richard Gere, Diane Lane

Diane Lane and the Tuscan countryside prove to be a more dynamic duo than Diane Lane and the Outer Banks, an assertion that immediately becomes clear when placing Under the Tuscan Sun and Nights in Rodanthe side by side. Neither film, of course, could be accused of basking in originality, but the former at least made the most of its setting and its star, resulting in a winning romantic comedy whose love-struck spirit rubbed off on audience members eager to lap up its sense of joie de vivre. The coastal-Carolina-shot Rodanthe, on the other hand, starts off well as Tuscan Sun’s more serious-minded cousin, but it eventually sinks under the weight of the shameless plot devices thrust upon it by author Nicholas Sparks and adapters Ann Peacock and John Romano.

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The cost overruns for the NASCAR Hall of Fame and museum have apparently so rattled City Councilman John Lassiter that he’s retreated into a world of fantasy. Commenting yesterday on the controversy surrounding city staff’s wildly exaggerated reports of exhibit costs at other halls of fame, Lassiter said he’s satisfied Charlotte is not “spending more per square foot than our competition.” Competition?! So now, the NASCAR hall is in “competition” with the Rock & Roll and Baseball Halls of Fame, among others? Guys, get a grip. Rock and roll is the soundtrack of the entire world; baseball has been around over 150 years. And I won’t go into the manic levels of popularity of football and basketball. Granted, NASCAR has brought lots of money to this area, and Charlotte was the right place to locate the sport’s hall, if one was needed. But attendance for NASCAR events is down — and no wonder, with higher ticket prices and the selling out of the sport’s working-class base. Everyone knows the sport is past its peak, which leads to the question: why is the city spending so much money on something with an obviously very iffy future? Maybe our “leaders” are so focused on their adolescent dreams of “competition” and being “Number 1,” they can’t see what’s right in front of their face: the Hall is a bad investment.

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This just in from the organizers of the Charlotte Shout Culinary Arts Experience 2008:

Due to the tropical storm system moving through Charlotte on Friday, September 26, Charlotte Shout’s Culinary Arts Experience is now a Saturday only event and moving all Friday night activities to Saturday.

We are working with Chefs Martin Yan and Cat Cora to move their stage demonstrations to Saturday, September 27.

The weather on Saturday by Noon is expected to clear out and it will be an exceptional celebration.

This year Cat Cora of Iron Chef America and Curtis Stone of Take Home Chef will show-off their skills. Other cooking celebrities like Lorena Garcia, Billy Strynkowski, Martin Yan and Chris Ivens-Brown and various local chefs will be there, too. Other outdoor events include wine seminars, free samples and cooking displays. These more intimate sessions are an excellent time to ask questions. But don’t worry about cooking right away; save room in your stomach for some food from local eateries. Bon appétit! Free entry into event! The event starts at noon Saturday and goes until 9 p.m. at Johnson & Wales University campus. 801 W. Trade St.

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I guess it doesn’t have to bleed to lead on Charlotte news stations these days.

Maybe the lead story is just meant to cause havoc. Over the last three days, the local news has been showing long gas lines, women yelling and cursing in those lines and people who have taken guns to the pump.

Wednesday morning, I woke up and turned on News channel 14 to see the weather and ran across the story about the lack of gas in Charlotte. Then my best friend called and told me about long gas lines. I had a half a tank of gas and I wasn’t worried. But the noon news, the five and six o’clock newscasts repeated how Charlotte was bone dry of gas. Still, I wasn’t worried.

Thursday, I was down to a quarter of a tank. I started to feel differently. Once again, the newscasts told everyone how there was no gas and Charlotte is “running on empty.” Friends were calling telling me about their waits to get gas. I didn’t drive anywhere on Thursday, taking advantage of my company’s “work from home” policy. But I knew I had to get gas.

Here’s the real deal about gas lines:

I didn’t see one fight.

People were actually pretty nice. A driver actually let me get in front of him–we’d been sitting in line for same amount of time.

When I pulled up to the pump, there was a woman in front of me and the pump in front of her wasn’t occupied. She pointed that out to me and I pulled in front of her.

Sure, some people are assholes and there have been fights at gas stations, but that isn’t the whole story. Sure, some people are assholes and are topping off their full tanks and filling gas cans, but that isn’t the whole story either.

People who drive need gas. And before you say, ride transit–everyone doesn’t work on a bus line and the light rail doesn’t help people who live in West, East or North Charlotte.

While the media isn’t totally to blame for the gas panic, they aren’t helping much. And 3.99 is still too damned much to pay for a tank of gas.

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This week has been crazy. Folks fighting over gas, a presidential candidate stalling for time in order to attend meetings at which he was largely silent, a presidential election debate that may or may not be happening and a repeat of the S&L debacle of the 1980s and 1990s. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired of more of the same.

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By Henry Paulson

My fellow Americans,

Many of you are confused by the complex economic events leading up to our current situation and how my bailout proposal will address. I’d like to clear that up now.

I guess the first thing that the economy needs to understand is that success is a mental transformation. It’s not an external event. To be successful, you must first know exactly what you want to achieve. Second, you need to commit to the sacrifices that it will take to achieve your goal. And third, you must believe beyond any reasonable doubt that you will achieve your goals.

Always push your limits. Always push your comfort zone. And as you train to expand and step outside your comfort zone you come to realize that the things that most people regard as impossible are actually completely within your grasp.

Many people believe that successful economies are lucky. I completely disagree with that notion. Successful economies think in very specific values that create opportunities for them which they can seize. An average observer thinks that that’s luck.

Luck doesn’t jump into anyone’s lap!

People around you may tell you that your country’s economy will not succeed. Ignore them!

When people tell you that you that the stock market won’t rise forever, cross them out of your life, because they’re directly interfering with our success. Ignore the losers. Bring your A-game, your determination and your drive to the field and success will follow. There’s another peculiar thing about success. Everything you do, you must pursue with your entire heart. Live your life openly. Go all out for what you want to achieve and believe in. If you’re going to work – work. If you’re going to train – train. If you’re going to dance – dance. But do it with passion!

When all this is said and done, we come back to one fundamental truth: Success is a mental phenomenon, not a physical one. It must first be conceived internally before it manifests externally.

Behind the clarity of your goals, determination, persistence, passion, patience lies one main tenet. Napoleon Hill said it best: “What you can conceive and believe, you can achieve.” You must first believe beyond any reasonable doubt that success is possible. Remember, to achieve success you must first conceive it and believe it. Impossibility is just another term, another opinion. It should have no bearing on your success whatsoever.

Remember, impossible is nothing.

*** I’d like to thank my assistant Aleksey for helping with this.

News Groper features more than 50 parody blogs by politicians, celebrities, business tycoons, and foreign despots.

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Barack Obama and Joe Biden will be in Greensboro on Saturday. The rally’s scheduled to be on Washington Street in front of the J. Douglas Gaylon Depot. Gates open at 10 a.m.; the program is supposed to begin at 12:15 p.m.
Tickets are not required, but an RSVP is encouraged.

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Friday, Sept. 26

Film
Third Annual Charlotte Film Festival: Charlotte’s hottest fest will feature dozens of indie feature films, documentaries, shorts and student works. Plus, there will also be panel discussions, an opening night gala and a work-in-progress. Various locations. www.charlottefilmfestival.org. Find more in Film.

Music
Iced Earth: Metal legends in their own right, with over 20 years of touring and recording, Iced Earth brings classically tinged metal that spew soaring vocals. With Saviours and Into Eternity. Amos’ Southend. www.amossouthend.com. Find more in Music.

Arts
The Charlotte Shout Culinary Arts Experience: Two-day event featuring national and local culinary experts (like Cat Cora of Iron Chef American and Curtis Stone of Take Home Chef), cooking seminars, wine seminars, tasty martinis, free samples and cooking displays. Bon Appetit! Johnson & Wales Campus. www.charlotteshout.com. Find more in Arts.

Food
Flying Biscuit Café: Fast, casual dining that welcomes family breakfasts, sports team brunches and after-school dinners. 7930 Rea Road. 704-295-4440. Find more in Food.

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Pakistan’s President calls Palin “gorgeous.” Wow. I’m sure that Benazir Bhutto, the woman who was twice the man that he is, is turning over in her grave. Had she paid a man a compliment like this publicly, she may have been stoned to death according to Muslim law. What’s more pathetic is that news outlets are reporting on this as if it is a positive thing. I’m not even a Palin supporter, but this is ridiculous. We really should stop sending mixed messages to our youth. Just go ahead and tell our little girls that their worth will be measured by the size of their tits and stop pretending that intelligence, experience and competency matter.

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