theCLog

Since the trend this election season seems to be choosing completely inexperienced women who no one has ever heard of for running mates, I would like to take this opportunity to offer my services to Barack Obama in lue of Biden. I may not be able to see Russia from my house, but I have been out of the country and do not need a $150,000 wardrobe, since I know how to dress myself properly and without using wolf fur as an accessory. The main reason I wish to offer my services to Mr. Obama is this: I’ll get you your own pretzel. Sure, Biden may share, but me? I’ll totally buy you a pretzel, Mr. President. Anytime.

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“I always wanted a son named Zamboni.”

Governor Sarah Palin, who considers herself an “intellectual” in a new interview with People magazine about her life and hopes for daughter’s shotgun wedding.

The thing that worries me about this quote? I don’t think she’s kidding. She would name her kid Zamboni given the chance. McCain would stop her because it sounds too “ethnic” and not part of the real America.

Palin also claims to be a “voracious reader” — of what, we’re not so sure. I guess she includes skimming the titles of the books she banned or burned as part of her reading list.

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An update of disturbing events from the Obama rally in Fayetteville, where tires were slashed.

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Way to keep it classy, Sen. Dole.

PageOneQ reports:

A new anti-gay offensive has been launched against Democratic North Carolina state senator and U.S. Senate candidate Kay Hagan. Campaign literature produced by the North Carolina Republican Party has been mailed to households in the state, PageOneQ has learned.

A new mailer in support of incumbent Sen. Elizabeth Dole claims that Hagan’s agenda, with the help of “liberal judges,” will be to advance a “radical homosexual agenda” which includes same-sex marriage, removing “Under God” from the Pledge of Allegiance, and forcing the Boy Scouts to accept gay and atheist troop leaders.

Hagan’s opposition to an anti-gay amendment is the focus of the mailer. “Across America,” it reads, “liberal judges are overturning state laws banning gay marriage. In North Carolina a state constitutional amendment is needed to protect traditional marriage and prevent liberal judges from imposing their gay marriage agenda on the state.”

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Yet another reason to vote for Obama.

Al-Qaida supporters suggested in a Web site message this week they would welcome a pre-election terror attack on the U.S. as a way to usher in a McCain presidency.

The message, posted Monday on the password-protected al-Hesbah Web site, said if al-Qaida wants to exhaust the United States militarily and economically, “impetuous” Republican presidential candidate Sen. John McCain is the better choice because he is more likely to continue the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

“This requires presence of an impetuous American leader such as McCain, who pledged to continue the war till the last American soldier,” the message said. “Then, al-Qaida will have to support McCain in the coming elections so that he continues the failing march of his predecessor, Bush.”

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Not so proud of my fellow tar heels today.

It only takes a handful of people to give North Carolina a bad name and cement the stereotypes associated with our state and the South in general. The following two stories just depress and embarrass me, native to the state that I am. We all lose in this election if we as a people fail to be civil and humane.

Tires slashed during Obama rally

Sarah Revis, who lives on Wilkes Road, said the slashed tires left several women, including a single mother and a toddler, stranded and upset. At least four tow trucks were sent to move the vehicles from the Crown, Revis said.

“This is an embarrassment to this city and to me as a citizen,” Revis said. “I’ve seen women out here crying and men cussing. This is a crying shame.”

Lynne Steenstra said she thought that the slashings were scare tactics designed to keep her and others from supporting Obama.

Bear found dumped at WCU with Obama signs

A dead bear was found dumped this morning on the Western Carolina University campus, draped with a pair of Obama campaign signs, university police said.

“It looked like it had been shot in the head as best we can tell. A couple of Obama campaign signs had been stapled together and stuck over its head.”

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A vendor at the (surprise, surprise) Texas State Fair has found a way to deep-fry Coca-Cola into a dessert by deep-frying Coke-flavored batter nuggets and topping them with Coke syrup and whipped cream. Um, yum? Or ick? You decide.

Creator Abel Gonzales Jr. won the creativity honor at the second-annual Big Tex Choice Awards Contest. From WBALTV:

Gonzales deep-fries Coca-Cola-flavored batter. He then drizzles Coke fountain syrup on it. The fried Coke is topped with whipped cream, cinnamon sugar and a cherry. Gonzales said the fried Coke came about just from thinking aloud.

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Maybe he was tired out and thirsty from making all those “air finger quotes” during the debate?

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I have one word of advice to the newborn daughter of Mark Ciptak: Emancipation.

Sure to be nominated for the Republican Husband of the Year, Mark Ciptak decided that his newborn daughter shouldn’t be called the lovely name Ava Grace, the name his wife picked out. He wanted his daughter to be named John McCain. And while his wife was recovering in the hospital from labor, he went behind her back and filled but the birth certificate form. Without consulting his wife or even telling her before telling the national press, Ciptak named his daughter Sarah McCain Palin. (My advice to Mrs. Ciptak: Divorce.)

Here’s what the genius had to say for himself:

“I went ahead and asked my wife about it and let’s just say that’s not an option.”

“She wanted Ava Grace.”

“With a clear conscience, even though I know I was kind of going behind her back, I kind of secretly put down Sarah McCain Palin instead of Ava Grace on another set of forms I acquired from the front desk.”

“As we were walking out the front of the hospital, I went ahead and gave those to the nurse.”

“My wife actually found out the next day when I found out that it looked like it was going to make national news, so, for her fairness, I wanted to get that taken care of before the news hit nationally.”

“At first she didn’t really want to believe me. She sort of didn’t want to talk about it.”

“When she did realize it was the real deal…speechless. I felt a lot of cold air come from her way.”

Ciptak said his wife is still speaking to him, but some relatives aren’t. He said he does feel bad about going against his wife’s wishes but said they’re both excited at the hope of giving the McCain campaign a breath of fresh air.

He also said if his daughter grows up to be a Democrat, that’s her freedom as an American, and he wishes her the best.

Mr. Ciptak? This election will be over in about 20 days. And if, just if, by the slightest of slight chance McCain happens to Bush his way into office, his days are limited to 8 years, tops. And Palin? Please. Yeah, there’s a real role model for a girl. How long do you think Palin will last?

A name you give a child stays with them forever. Or at least until they hit 18 and legally have it changed.

Way to think ahead.

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Attention ladies:

If you are raped, not only will a judge and jury claim it’s your own fault, but you are never, ever allowed to smile again. Ever. Especially not on Facebook. So says a British lawyer.

A barrister has caused outrage by suggesting a rape victim could not have been upset by her ordeal because there were photos of her on Facebook looking happy.

The woman was attacked in 2001 when she was 19 and has since tried to kill herself.

Her attacker, Anthony Francis, was caught seven years later as a result of a DNA sample.

His barrister tried to persuade a judge to be lenient by showing pictures posted on the social networking site of the woman laughing and smiling at a fancy dress party in the years since the rape.

Colin McCarraher, defending, told Reading Crown Court last week: ‘What we have is a person who has post traumatic stress but is quite capable of going out and having a good time at a fancy dress party.’

Mr McCarraher told the court that although he did not know when the images had been taken, they did not tally entirely with someone struggling to rebuild their life.

The barrister’s attempt to save his client from a lengthy prison sentence failed and Deputy Circuit Judge Stanley Spence jailed Francis for five-and-a-half years.

I do believe the term “Fuck you, Barrister Colin McCarraher, and your demeaning, lazy, inconsiderate and completely irrelevant argument, you shitty excuse for a lawyer” means the same thing across the pond as it does here in the States, yes?

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