theCLog

Bill Wolfrum over at William K. Wolfrum Chronicles is taking one for the team and live-blogging Fox News election coverage all day. Poor guy. Let’s hope he maintains his sanity! Here’s a sample of the topics from everyone’s favorite “fair and balanced” outlet:

11:49 a.m.: Coming up next: The youth vote – sure lots have registered, but young people are idiots and won’t vote so who cares?

11:53 a.m.: The Dow Jones is up 303 points. Blame Obama.

11:55 a.m.: Will the young voters show up? If they do, says young Republican, they have a choice – vote for the 72-year-old that’s been a senator for longer than you’ve been alive and can’t use the Internet, or vote for Obama who will raise taxes on you if you ever make any money.

12:00 p.m.: Britt Hume!!!

12:01 p.m.: VOTER FRAUD!!!

12:02 p.m.: Hume: “If it’s a close race, people will be very interested in recounts and investigations.” Britt Hume – a man who slept through the 2000 and 2004 elections.

12:03 p.m.: Britt Hume is concerned about the ramifications of calling an election too early. Seriously.

12:06 p.m.: Black Panthers in Pennsylvania!!! They are intimidating white voters says one white guy! One Black Panther with a nightstick said “The black guy will win no matter what!”

12:10 p.m.: Trouble with power outages in Los Angeles. Obama’s margin of victory could be cut to just 20 points.

12:15 p.m.: Starbucks, Krispy Kreme and others are giving away free stuff if you vote. Obviously they are preparing for the new socialist regime.

12:19 p.m.: Long lines disappearing around the nation. Reasons: Early voting. And some people may be having lunch.

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I cannot wait for this presidential election to be over. I am officially tired of this race. No more attack ads. No more debates. No more duplicity. No more hypocrisy. No more “spin” on the word change. No more lunacy. No more extremism. No more of one of the candidates, both of whom are overexposed. No more stomping. No more promises. No more foolishness. No more long lines. For now.

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“I always wanted a son named Zamboni.”

Governor Sarah Palin, who considers herself an “intellectual” in a new interview with People magazine about her life and hopes for daughter’s shotgun wedding.

The thing that worries me about this quote? I don’t think she’s kidding. She would name her kid Zamboni given the chance. McCain would stop her because it sounds too “ethnic” and not part of the real America.

Palin also claims to be a “voracious reader” — of what, we’re not so sure. I guess she includes skimming the titles of the books she banned or burned as part of her reading list.

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An update of disturbing events from the Obama rally in Fayetteville, where tires were slashed.

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Yet another reason to vote for Obama.

Al-Qaida supporters suggested in a Web site message this week they would welcome a pre-election terror attack on the U.S. as a way to usher in a McCain presidency.

The message, posted Monday on the password-protected al-Hesbah Web site, said if al-Qaida wants to exhaust the United States militarily and economically, “impetuous” Republican presidential candidate Sen. John McCain is the better choice because he is more likely to continue the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

“This requires presence of an impetuous American leader such as McCain, who pledged to continue the war till the last American soldier,” the message said. “Then, al-Qaida will have to support McCain in the coming elections so that he continues the failing march of his predecessor, Bush.”

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Not so proud of my fellow tar heels today.

It only takes a handful of people to give North Carolina a bad name and cement the stereotypes associated with our state and the South in general. The following two stories just depress and embarrass me, native to the state that I am. We all lose in this election if we as a people fail to be civil and humane.

Tires slashed during Obama rally

Sarah Revis, who lives on Wilkes Road, said the slashed tires left several women, including a single mother and a toddler, stranded and upset. At least four tow trucks were sent to move the vehicles from the Crown, Revis said.

“This is an embarrassment to this city and to me as a citizen,” Revis said. “I’ve seen women out here crying and men cussing. This is a crying shame.”

Lynne Steenstra said she thought that the slashings were scare tactics designed to keep her and others from supporting Obama.

Bear found dumped at WCU with Obama signs

A dead bear was found dumped this morning on the Western Carolina University campus, draped with a pair of Obama campaign signs, university police said.

“It looked like it had been shot in the head as best we can tell. A couple of Obama campaign signs had been stapled together and stuck over its head.”

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Maybe he was tired out and thirsty from making all those “air finger quotes” during the debate?

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I have one word of advice to the newborn daughter of Mark Ciptak: Emancipation.

Sure to be nominated for the Republican Husband of the Year, Mark Ciptak decided that his newborn daughter shouldn’t be called the lovely name Ava Grace, the name his wife picked out. He wanted his daughter to be named John McCain. And while his wife was recovering in the hospital from labor, he went behind her back and filled but the birth certificate form. Without consulting his wife or even telling her before telling the national press, Ciptak named his daughter Sarah McCain Palin. (My advice to Mrs. Ciptak: Divorce.)

Here’s what the genius had to say for himself:

“I went ahead and asked my wife about it and let’s just say that’s not an option.”

“She wanted Ava Grace.”

“With a clear conscience, even though I know I was kind of going behind her back, I kind of secretly put down Sarah McCain Palin instead of Ava Grace on another set of forms I acquired from the front desk.”

“As we were walking out the front of the hospital, I went ahead and gave those to the nurse.”

“My wife actually found out the next day when I found out that it looked like it was going to make national news, so, for her fairness, I wanted to get that taken care of before the news hit nationally.”

“At first she didn’t really want to believe me. She sort of didn’t want to talk about it.”

“When she did realize it was the real deal…speechless. I felt a lot of cold air come from her way.”

Ciptak said his wife is still speaking to him, but some relatives aren’t. He said he does feel bad about going against his wife’s wishes but said they’re both excited at the hope of giving the McCain campaign a breath of fresh air.

He also said if his daughter grows up to be a Democrat, that’s her freedom as an American, and he wishes her the best.

Mr. Ciptak? This election will be over in about 20 days. And if, just if, by the slightest of slight chance McCain happens to Bush his way into office, his days are limited to 8 years, tops. And Palin? Please. Yeah, there’s a real role model for a girl. How long do you think Palin will last?

A name you give a child stays with them forever. Or at least until they hit 18 and legally have it changed.

Way to think ahead.

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Lisa was always my favorite Simpson character, but Ralph was by far the funniest, just for the pure stupidity of his quotes. So, so fitting.

Here’s a list of Ralph quotes. Don’t share them with Palin — she might use them in her next speech.

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There are three days left to register to vote in North Carolina. Three days left to make sure you’re able to do your part in one of the most important elections of our lifetime.

A former Marine writes:

NOT VOTING, to me, would be the same as giving up my freedom of speech, my right to own property, or even my right to right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. MY BELIEFS extend farther than the cry of any celebrity and I can only hope, that I got the balls to fight, let alone, die for them. Remember, the slaves remained slaves for over 400 years, DESPITE the fact that they outnumbered their captors, because they were told that THINGS WOULD NEVER CHANGE.

The Marine Corps shut me up and sat me down for four long years, forced me to conform to what was around me, robbed me of any voice I had on the bullshit that surrounded me. So help me, I hope I will NEVER be robbed of ANY RIGHT EVER AGAIN, and if I am, I can only hope that I have the intestinal fortitude to stand up and tell them that I will not go quietly into the night! (If you haven’t figured out by now, I equate the right to vote to the freedom of speech.) You’re right if you think you don’t HAVE to vote, but I think it goes beyond that … I think it is your duty.

If that isn’t inspirational enough for you, check out this video.

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