Make-out songs of the rich and famous
July 29th, 2009 by Jason Younger in OpinionWhat do famous people get down to on Saturday night? I’d like to make a few predictions/assumptions…
It’s Saturday night. The mood is right. You’re in your parents’ living room or maybe the back seat of that old beater you called your first car. It’s getting to that special part of the evening. It’s time to seal the deal. It’s time to go to “the closer” and leave no doubt. You reach over, flip on the stereo, start the tape deck, un-pause the CD on that special track. That’s right; it’s a make out-song. It’s your make-out song.
Whether you relied on Chris Isaak’s “Wicked Game” or Bob Seger’s “Night Moves,” you know what I’m talking about. That one song that just set the mood. You’re already half-way down memory lane aren’t you? That special someone or the words to that song are already in your head.
We know how we get down, but, have you ever wondered what songs the “have’s” get down to? We know they don’t lead a normal life. Their make-out songs can’t be like ours right? Surely they don’t rely on Marvin Gaye or Barry White. So what do they reach for on Saturday night?
Have no fear, through some top secret sources of mine I present to you — (using booming game-show voice) MAKE-OUT SONGS OF THE STARS! Without further ado:
* Morgan Freeman (who was recently discovered to be dating his step grand-daughter!) — “Father Figure” by George Michael. Just when you thought George Michael songs couldn’t get any creepier. YIKES! Let’s move on. Quickly.
* Michael Vick – “Puppy Love” by Donny Osmond. I know, I know. I’m goin’ to hell.
* Lindsay Lohan – “I Kissed a Girl” by Katie Perry. The three-time rehab flunkie and sometime beau Samantha Ronson enjoy this. Well, when they aren’t trying to kill each other.
* Angelina Jolie – “Closer” by Nine Inch Nails. Jolie is scary hot. Or is she just scary??
* Tom Cruise – “Low” by FloRida. If you haven’t seen Tropic Thunder, do so. Go rent it. Now.
* Britney Spears – “Cry Me a River” by Justin Timberlake. Have you seen the dude’s she’s with? You KNOW she’s thinking about her fellow Mickey Mouse Clubber. Has to be.
* Olsen Twins – “I Still Love Bologna” by Alan Jackson. You know the thought of food sets the Olsen’s loins afire.
* Jonas Brothers – “Me So Horny” by 2LiveCrew. The brothers Jonas have made promises not to have sex before marriage; they even have the rings to prove it. The testosterone levels on that tour bus must be off the charts.
* Jon Gosselin (Jon & Kate plus 8) – “100 Girls” by Stroke 9. Apparently if you are a woman between the age of 22 and 70, you either have, will be, or are currently dating the reality star of the minute.
I know I’ve left some obvious ones out, so leave a comment and let me know!
July 29th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
I hear Tony Romo’s new one is “He Stopped Loving Her Today” by George Jones! I also hear that Dale Jr. has been listening to Sammy Haggar’s “I Can’t Drive 55″ for so long, it has even affected the way he drives on the race track.
July 29th, 2009 at 4:18 pm
Wow, excellent trip down memory lane. Takes me back to the good ole’ days when I would kick on a little “Get Down On It” by Kool and the Gang … only to sadly end the night with the late great Mike Jacko’s “Beat It” … lol. Keep it up Younger!
July 29th, 2009 at 4:28 pm
Kevin Federline: “Gotta, wanna, needa, getta, have a Bojangles”.
Bless his heart.
July 29th, 2009 at 9:14 pm
I think Dale can absolutely drive 55… That’s all he’s been driving! As for the “Night Moves”, I’ve always wondered what Angelina Jolie’s song would be… I kind of pegged her for some Marilyn Manson!
July 29th, 2009 at 10:25 pm
Thinking that OJ’s song would be “Used to Love Her” by GNR. Or maybe he would change the title to “If I Did It, I Used to Love Her”.
July 30th, 2009 at 7:57 am
I hear Coach K enjoys making out to anything by RATT.
July 30th, 2009 at 9:11 am
I don’t think one go-to make out song is enough (maybe I brag?), so I’ve always relied on entire compilations. Proven collections:
DJ Shadow’s “Endtroducing”
Sneaker Pimps’ “Becoming X”
Crystal Method’s “Tweekend”
Journey’s “Escape” (shout out to Leryn and her big hair!)
Aerosmith’s “Permanent Vacation” (minus “Dude Looks Like A Lady”… you MUST pause to skip this one)
G Love & Special Sauce’s “Philaharmonica”
Jump Little Children’s “Magazine”
REM’s “New Adventures In Hi-Fi”
The Shins’ “Oh, Inverted World”
U2’s “Pop” (money song: “If You Wear That Velvet Dress”)
Joshua Radin’s “We Were Here”
The Cure’s “Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me”
Massive Attack’s “Mezzanine”