What’s between your legs: kryptonite or crack
July 13, 2009 at 11:04 am by Ginger Ale
After years of dating and love affairs, I’ve realized that men fall into 2 categories: the kind who treat women like they have “Kryptonite Pussies” and the kind who treat women like they have “Crack Pussies.” I came to this understanding one morning when I walked into the office and proudly announced, “My Pussy is Crack!!”
My boss choked on air but my female coworkers seemed less surprised.
Crack is whack, making people do irrational things, like carjacking a Kia or breaking into my apartment and declaring, “That’s my pussy!”
My ex-boyfriend was not on crack. He was just addicted to my pussy and paranoid that someone else was getting high on it. This break-in was how our relationship officially ended. That and with a house full of cops who where more interested in how my bedroom IS set up for sex than the man who just forced his way in. The cops were probably wondering if they should cuff me to the bed and spank me for being such a bad girl?
The break-in made me consider what type of person would behave this way over pussy. Then it hit me. My pussy is crack!! Seriously. Crack addicts break into homes when they need a fix. He needed his fix; it just so happened that his fix was my pussy. He could have used a prostitute if he wanted pussy that bad. There are enough of them up and down 4th Street in St. Pete to service a capital building full of politicians. And, being arrested for picking up a hooker should be cheaper than the bail for breaking and entering. Then again, this would have been really bad crack pussy–the kind that leaves you slapping yourself for being so strung out that you actually paid for it.
Crack addicts have a tendency to lose their damn minds and become focused on one thing. They get crazy 
and paranoid and develop an extraordinary ability to track down crack in the most desolate of dumpster alleys. Doesn’t matter if he’s gotta stay up all night and drive all over the city just to find it. This addiction fuels his desires and clouds his brain like smoking clouding a glass pipe. And just when you think you’ve given him the slip, he pops up like a dick on Viagra.
I don’t recommend having a crack pussy. If you think your man is starting to treat your pussy like crack, like he can’t be without it, get help. Doesn’t matter if it’s a 1 step, 4 steps, or 12 steps program, so long as all those steps lead him to the curb.
The kryptonite pussy is a much better option. It brings supermen to their knees. Not in a debilitating way, but in the sense that they must kneel to worship your pussy. The superman respects and even fears the power of kryptonite, so he isn’t inclined to abuse it. The superman is strong, capable and dependable. The superman doesn’t have to go on a scavenger hunt all over the city to track it down. He doesn’t hate the kryptonite pussy for for being the source of his addiction.
Then again, wasn’t Superman always so busy saving people and the world that he neglected Lois Lane? In fact, didn’t she die once?
Maybe a Kryptonite pussy doesn’t sound so good either. I think I’ll stick with my plain shaved pussy.
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