Top 10 Stupid Band Names
January 20th, 2009 by Leilani Polk in News, Top-10Guitar World recently offered up a list of the “Top 10 Stupidest Band Names of All Time” and I gotta say, it doesn’t look like they put a lot of thought into it, like someone had a good idea but didn’t use enough brain power to carry it out properly. Here’s the list:
1. The Beatles
2. Limp Bizkit
3. Boy Parts – Throbbing Gristle, Revolting Cocks, Iron Sausage
4. Girl Parts – Nashville Pussy, Bush, Pussy Galore, Hot Tuna
5. Scatological Names – Butthole Surfers, Fudge Tunnel, Butt Trumpet
6. Place Names – Nantucket, Boston, New York City, Europe, Asia, Chicago, Wakefield, Landale
7. Yes
8. Toto
9. The Presidents of the United States of America
10. The Band
First off, it’s not even an authentic Top 10 (see numbers 3 through 6). Second, The Beatles? You’re a writer at a marginally well-known rag that covers music, solely, all the time, and you can’t come up with a better bad band name than The Beatles? And you stick it up top, in the number one slot, as if to say it’s the worst band name of all time, even though the list is supposed to be in no particular order. And if it really is in no particular order — The Beatles were the first band you thought of? Really? I don’t want to judge, but I am. So I’ve made my own highly subjective, somewhat thoughtful list of awful band names in response. In no particular order:
1. Architecture in Helsinki (pictured below)
“Helsinki” is the capital of Finland, though AH is not Finnish but Australian, and they never even played the European country until ‘07, seven years after they formed. From an interview with Bassist Sam Perry: “When we were in Norway at the end of last year there were a few Finnish interviewers who came to interview us mainly about the name. I think they were quite perplexed. To us, the name means having to answer many questions and inquiries about the name, which I guess is entirely understandable.” You think?
2. Department of Eagles
As much as I love this Grizzy Bear-offshoot, I hate the name. In fact, it was the name that kept me from really listening to them; I probably had The Cold Nose in my iPod for three months before I actually checked it out.
3. My Morning Jacket
Another band whose name turned me off enough that I avoided their music. And I still hate the name, though the music has proven itself worthy enough to return to time and time again.
4. Bang Camaro
The band’s name apparently began as a catchphrase and was the sole lyric in Bang Camaro’s very first song. It has something to do with the band members’ shared love of head-banging metal (Dokken, Ratt and the like), which makes sense as the name reeks of sweaty, bull-headed testosterone.
And on that same note …
5. Pontiak
Another band named after a GM vehicle, though it’s a vehicle with considerably less appeal. I know nothing about Pontiak (with a “k” so you don’t actually confuse it with the car) other than the fact that they play heavy psychedelic garage rock and are coming to town Feb. 22. Unfortunately for them, I’ve already developed an aversion simply based on their moniker – at least Bang Camaro takes its own dumb moniker from a rather awesome car.
6. The Dodos
Great band, baffling name as there are three definitions for “dodo” and none of them are really what I’d call flattering:
1. A large, clumsy, flightless bird (Raphus cucullatus), formerly of the island of Mauritius in the Indian Ocean, that has been extinct since the late 17th century.
2. Informal One who is out-of-date, as in dress or ideas.
3. Informal A stupid person; an idiot.
7. Echo & The Bunnymen
Among a rather large group of Dark Wave bands with truly awful names. I get it, it’s an army reference, but that doesn’t make the name sound any less stupid. I mean, how do I talk about liking this band without sounding like a complete douche?
And speaking of Dark Wave …
8. The Cocteau Twins
You pick the name of another band’s song, and you couldn’t come up with a better song than that?
9. Weaksauce
I was always under the impression that calling something weaksauce was an insult. The locally-based ska reggae band might as well have named themselves “we suck.”
10. Candlebox
The hubbie suggested this one and after careful thought, I decided I agree. What the fuck is a candlebox, anyway? A votive holder? Might as well call yourself votive holder, assholes.
What band do you think has the stupidest name ever? I’m sure there are plenty I’m forgetting…
January 20th, 2009 at 9:25 pm
Anyone who puts “The Beatles” on a list of bad names, either doesn’t know rock history which inspired the name or doesn’t understand a pun when they see one. Regardless, it’s almost impossible to put up a list of worst band names because there have been so many bands – some that never made it anywhere near the mainstream — with ridiculously wham-bam names that seemed pulled out of a hat.
I’m not going to offer any of my own but there have been so many forgotten bands (mainstream and never-made-it) that I’ve been exposed to that had shockingly stupid or simply unoriginal names that didn’t let you gather any interest in what the band was doing musically.
January 20th, 2009 at 10:10 pm
Totally off-topic, but I thought of “The Shitty Beatles” from Wayne’s World and started laughing.
And “Fudge Tunnel” totally sucked, but had one of the best band names ever.
January 20th, 2009 at 10:11 pm
Actually, Fudge Tunnel was on Guitar World’s List (one of their good ones IMO).
January 21st, 2009 at 12:51 pm
Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
January 21st, 2009 at 1:00 pm
I’ve always thought someone could make a pretty bitchin’ coffee table book of photographs of shitty club marquees with ridiculous band names posted on them. I’ve seen some gems in my travels but have never had the prescience to photograph them. Someone should run with this and make a million dollars!
January 21st, 2009 at 1:24 pm
Joel, seeing the list I started thinking “Why aren’t ‘The Shitty Beatles’ on this list?” I mean, after all “They Suck” and “It’s not just a clever name” ;)
January 21st, 2009 at 7:44 pm
pu@#% galore (the blog comment won’t let me type that word in…) is one of my favorite bands and their name is good too. oh and there was a girl in that band too, so don’t get all feminist crazy. their lyrics about boys and girls being in bands together and coexisting through equality continue to be poignant as well. suck off guitar world!
January 22nd, 2009 at 1:40 am
The Negro Problem?
January 22nd, 2009 at 9:11 am
HEY! Only Lorna Bracewell can say Negro without it being racist!
January 22nd, 2009 at 4:00 pm
WHAM!
January 22nd, 2009 at 4:00 pm
!!!
January 22nd, 2009 at 4:01 pm
Chumbawamba
January 22nd, 2009 at 8:20 pm
Five Finger Death Punch
Cobra Starship
Falling Awake (local)
Burn Theory (local) – I’m pretty sure that theory has been proven over and over again
Initial Doubt (local) – there’s no doubt in my mind
January 23rd, 2009 at 12:53 pm
I forgot some key ones — Hoobastank, Kajagoogoo, Hootie and the Blowfish, Three Doors Down …
January 23rd, 2009 at 2:10 pm
WeakSauce made the list. Weak they are and not hot. I remember Funkus opened up for them years ago at the Java. They were a high school band and had a good fan base. They need to play more reggae.
String Cheese Incident.
January 25th, 2009 at 6:39 pm
Thats awesome someone thinks we have one of the worst band names. Its good to be remembered.
January 31st, 2009 at 11:45 pm
Come on asshole Bang Camaro is an awesome band. The name doesn’t suck that much either.
January 31st, 2009 at 11:50 pm
umm who makes these guys the judges of good names? lol, i think “bang camaro” is a great name honestly. its so catchy. people are to serious about names i guess? well the 2-3 people who made this site
January 31st, 2009 at 11:55 pm
I think Bang Camaro is an awesome name, personally.
As far as bad names go… I like at least some rap, but rapper names these days are pretty ridiculous. One of my favorites is “Wallet”. Yes, Wallet. I joke with my friends that he probably has a clique that includes “Billfold” and “Change Purse”.
February 1st, 2009 at 3:20 am
dude, Bang Camaro is an AWESOME name.
some black metal band names are horrible.
like Gorgoroth, Burzum, Marduk, Lord Belial… though some are simple and rule (like Immortal; how badass!)
alot of the new trendy abnds coming out have horrible, terrible names. as much as i love them, HORSE the Band is a terrible name… but it’s so bad, that i like saying it. the Test Icicles are defunct now, but they ruled the airwaves with great music and a shitty name. and Bright Eyes… what a typical name. wow, it’s bad. most trendy bands have horrible names, but maybe thats what makes em trendy?
you know, there’s alot of bands just adding “the band” at the end of a word to make their name. I think the only good one thus far is math the band. what a awesome name. so simple.
then there’s Fear Before the March of Flames. UGH!
February 2nd, 2009 at 9:26 pm
What about Umphrey’s McGee?
February 3rd, 2009 at 10:03 am
wow. i just listened to butt trumpet “she’s ugly” …. so i told her to turn around and gave her another crack in her ass.
February 5th, 2009 at 3:08 pm
Worst:
1.Granola Funk Express
2.Toad The Wet Sprocket
3.Any band with numbers in it
4.Any band containing the words: groove, funk, psychedelic or experience(with exception to jimi)
Best:
1.The Velvet Underground
2.Steely Dan (Dildo)
3.Seven Mary Three (Ponch’s call # from CHiPS)
4.White Niggers On Crack
Wilson
February 5th, 2009 at 8:12 pm
Yeah Bang Camaro actually sounds pretty fucking awesome.
Ever heard of Honest Bob and the Factory-to-Dealer Incentives?
Terribly long/weird band name, but the musics not too bad
February 6th, 2009 at 1:41 am
Bang Camaro fans: What exactly is it that you like so much about the name “Bang Camaro,” ’cause I’m missing it. I don’t hear the catchiness. Enlighten me. And please, give me a more logical, well-thought out answer than telling me it’s awesome (why?) or arguing that the band is awesome, and the name “doesn’t suck that much.” (I like half of the bands I listed, but that doesn’t mean I have to like their stupid names.)
February 7th, 2009 at 9:07 pm
Bang Camaro just sounds good together, whats wrong with it?
February 8th, 2009 at 6:51 pm
What’s RIGHT with it? Just ’cause two words sound good together doesn’t make your stupid band name any less stupid. Sorry, that’s not a good enough argument, either.
February 8th, 2009 at 9:46 pm
The answer to the question of why Bang Camaro is a good band name, is it’s not.
It sucks.
Unless there is some crazy allusion to Dylan Thomas I’m missing, the name is crap.
They should henceforth call themselves… “Fingercuffs for the Ass”.
October 27th, 2009 at 10:18 pm
It should come as a great relief to everybody that the world’s supply of stupid band names is near complete exhaustion.
Using the Donnybrook Super Internet — it’s a lot like the crappy internet that you use, except everything on it is true — the Donnybrook Writing Academy has found the last 12 available band names and is auctioning them off here: http://godonnybrook.com/home/?p=4303