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Most of the races in this local primary pitted republican against republican, since democrats are a struggling species on the suncoast. In many of those races, the republican was running unopposed, so he or she won an early victory. Here’s a quick rundown of the results.

•  Tom Knight took the republican nomination for county sheriff. He made a pretty convincing case for himself in our interviews last month, though a survey of the police discussion boards shows that officers are skeptical of his outsider status (He comes from the Florida Highway Patrol.)

According to the Sarasota Herald-Tribune, “a flurry of glossy mailers and TV spots apparently gave voters a comfort level with [him].” Nothing like glossy mailers to bring that personal touch, I guess. He won almost triple the votes of runner-up David Gustafson. Knight will face pro-rehabilitation democrat Curt Lavarello in November.

• Both charter amendments were shot down.
• Assistant public defender Larry Eger beat out attorney Ron “end the revolving door system” Filipkowski. Eyebrows were raised, here at the CL office, over this slogan. Was he campaigning to be a good public defender, or a bad one? Eger will face Democrat Adam Tebrugge in the general election.
• Venice politician Nancy Detert won the Republican nomination for District 23 of the State Senate. She’ll go up against Democrat Morgan Bentley.
• State Rep. Ron Reagan, R-Bradenton, will face democrat Richard Jackson.
• Ken Roberson won the republican nomination for the District 71 State House seat.
• Democrat *gasp!* Darryl Rouson will move on to vie for the District 55 seat in the State House.
• Bill Furst won the race for county appraiser.
• Shannon Staub holds her seat in Sarasota County Commission District 3.
• Former Sarasota Mayor Carolyn Mason will face Democrat Jono Miller for the District 1 seat.
• Caroline Zucker retained her District 2 seat on the Sarasota County School Board.
• Bradenton attorney Gilbert Smith won a judge’s seat in the 12th Judicial Circuit.

Edit: Democrat Adam Tebrugge will be facing Larry Eger in the November. Any implication that the race was already decided was a slight on my part.

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Tomorrow, Aug. 26, is the primary election for local candidates, which means it’s time to pick your party representatives for offices like hospital and school board members, county commissioner, local congressperson, and, if you’re a republican, county sheriff. There is only one democratic candidate for that office, and in Florida only voters registered as members of a particular party can vote for candidates in that party.

Voting locations are described here.

There are also two county charter amendments on the ballot. The first, given the punchy name, “Charter amendment providing for timetable for charter amendment referenda, judicial review, petition signature expiration,” was apparently written to obliterate any hope of comprehension by the ordinary voter, so we’ll do our best to translate it. This referendum, as we understand it, would make it harder for citizens to collect signatures and have an issue brought to a public vote in a timely fashion. We don’t support this amendment, and we figure that, unless you vote against it, the only people who will vote on it will be those who already understand it and intend to support it.

The second is more straightforward. It proposes that whenever a charter amendment is brought to the ballot, a financial impact statement for that amendment is first disseminated to the public. Doesn’t sound like a bad idea.

Supervisor of Elections Kathy Dent has also provided us with a handy sample ballot. Just fill in your precinct online and the computer will tell you who you can vote for.

Now get out there and be the decider.

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CL Tampa colleague and old pal Wade Tatangelo was gracious enough to invite a friend and me over to his place on Friday evening. We’d been in town to check out Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, opening for Stone Temple Pilots at Ford Amphitheatre. I’ll spare you the late night bombshell that, honestly, wasn’t all that shocking: Read Wade’s Tampa Calling blog for details. What follows is my acronym-heavy account of the pre-AWOL STP experience wrought by BRMC ­– which, as I suspected (and wrote about in CL this week), made a few new fans Friday night.  Read the rest of this entry »

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This roundup’s been idling in the blog machine for days, and we still can’t fix the formatting, so here goes the [Stop] route. Our apologies. [Stop]

A day to defeat the video game, a lifetime to live down the shame. [Stop] Big ups to web traffic! [Stop] Jessica Simpson to stump for beer. A light beer. Substance-less, in fact. Yep, that sounds about right. [Stop] Winehouse back to rehab-Blake redux. Again. Once more. [Stop] Dave Matthews’ sax player LeRoi Moore, dead at 46. RIP. [Stop] Hasbro’s Clue circa ‘08: The butler did it, in the bathroom at Koi, with the knife seen in those scandalous pics with Lindsay Lohan. And don’t forget the super powers. [Stop] Not content to live la vida loca with one bambino, Ricky Martin does dos at once. [Stop] Forbes reveals the hip hoppers living largest. (Guess which money-monikered rapper?) [Stop] The New York Post has no love for our Cous Cous. That’s okay, we have plenty. [Stop] Bleep, meet the new bleeping bleep. Really bleeping funny, you bleeper. 

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“The bomb will not start a chain-reaction in the water converting it all to gas and letting all the ships on all the oceans drop down to the bottom. It will not blow out the bottom of the sea and let all the water run down the hole. It will not destroy gravity. I am not an atomic playboy, as one of my critics labeled me, exploding these bombs to satisfy my personal whim.”– William H.P. Blandy, a U.S. Navy Admiral who oversaw the atomic bomb tests at Bikini Island.

“Woe to you my Princess. When I come, I will kiss you quite red and feed you till you are plump. And if you are froward, you shall see who is the stronger, a gentle little girl who doesn’t eat enough or a big wild man who has cocaine in his body.”

– Sigmund Freud

“Four trillion dollars for baked beans? I didn’t know they had Whole Foods in Zimbabwe!”

–Lewis Black

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My roommates – good people who also happen to be doped-up World of Warcraft fanatics – approached me last night with what they apparently considered to be a brilliant plan. They were taking a break from a WoW marathon, and a rolled up bill was on the coffee table beside the dregs of Oxycontin powder.

They had happened upon the forum, they told me, of an online game called Warhammer. (Warhammer, like WoW, is a massive multiplayer online role-playing game. It looks pretty awesome. I don’t play such games because I wouldn’t get anything else done.) They looked into the profile of one of those forum users and found that it was full of drawings, each of which depicted a different “furry.” Furries are anthropomorphic animals that supposedly have some erotic value somehow. People dress up in furry costumes and go to fetish parties or something.

Each of this user’s drawings, otherwise a normal-looking manimal, had an oversized phallus growing out of its fur. They messaged this user about the drawings, they said, and he told them that each furry is an avatar, or alter-ego, that he uses in a different online forum or game. Then they told me their plan:

“We’re going to send him a message offering like twenty bucks to create a character for us. We’re going to ask him to make a drawing that’s half manatee, half mandingo – ’” uproarious laughter – “and it’ll have, like, big Anime eyes.”

“Then what are you going to do with it?” I asked.

“Well, we’ll have this drawing of a furry manatee that we got this guy to make, with a giant dong. I think it’s a pretty good practical joke.”

“But he won’t face any humiliation. And you’ll be the ones who lost money. It doesn’t fit the accepted idea of a practical joke.”

“No,” said the roommate who hadn’t spoken yet. “I guess not. I guess the joke’s on us.”

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Hurricane Fay was a resounding disappointment/relief , but it does give us occasion to answer some why-s about hurricanes.  

Why does every hurricane seem to form off the coast of Africa, travel west and then fly up the Gulf of Mexico? It starts with the Bermuda High, a big clockwise-turning wheel of high pressure (dense, cold air that has sunk low in the atmosphere). It’s known as an anticyclone because it rotates in the opposite direction of hurricanes (low-pressure systems.) The Bermuda High forms in the summer and usually remains stationary throughout hurricane season. The closer it forms to the U.S., the higher our risk. What the Bermuda High does is fling low-pressure systems (potential hurricanes) westward, along the African easterly jet, one of few North American wind streams that move east-west.

The storms’ northward motion over Cuba and the Keys can be attributed in part to the Coriolis force. I.e., an object moving across a rotating surface will appear, when viewed by another object (you or me) on that same surface, to bend in its path. Let this handy gif explain it better than my clumsy prose.In the northern (southern) hemisphere, the Coriolis force sends winds to the right (left) of their direction of motion. That means a storm moving to the west will veer north. 

This effect also explains the very existence of hurricanes. Winds are a function of a simple law of physics: fluids move from areas of high pressure, high density to regions of low pressure, low density, as they try to achieve equilibrium. When an area of low pressure forms in the Atlantic Ocean, the surrounding air wants to rush in and fill the space. All else being equal, the air should find equilibrium rather quickly and calm down.

But alas, the winds are sent off course before they can reach their destination. The culprit is, you guessed it, the Coriolis force. All the winds trying to find the storm’s center are sent off to the right. As this happens on all sides, the result is counterclockwise motion. In the southern hemisphere, where moving fluids veer left, the result is clockwise motion. So in a way, hurricanes are spinning, frustrated failures, spreading destruction until they burn out somewhere in Florida.  

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First things first: Somebody’s getting it…

David Beckham, The Musical. Tee hee, they said “Goldenballs.”

Phelps’ pop culture domination begins/continues.

Kellogg’s trumps Wheaties for Phelps promo gold: Ahhh, snap!

Phelps’ backlash begins/continues.

“Fierce, flawless and fabulous” mommas-to-be: Christian Siriano to design for the preggers set. Next up, haute baby messes.

Just in time for the first week back: The economy cuts class.

Read the rest of this entry »

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Some new, late summer goodness, courtesy of those Conchords. Sunshine and rollerskates. Mmmm hmm…

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Chuck Klosterman is a very popular writer who, in this reader’s opinion, is not crappy (e.g. Dan Brown) or gimmicky (Chuck Palahniuk) or sickeningly obnoxious (Jonathan Safran Foer). That makes him unique in the world of contemporary letters.

Mostly, he’s famous for turning pop culture inside out in order to show his readers how truly bizarre it is. You wouldn’t expect this to transfer well into a novel. But at the essence of what he does, even in books like Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs and Chuck Klosterman IV, is a doggedly pursued curiousness about human feelings and relationships. People like him because he articulates major things that they felt but didn’t understand, that they would have thought inarticulable. And he does so in a remarkably conversational way. His writing is smart, but it’s not trying to prove it.

In this way, his first novel delivers. Since I got my hands on an advance copy of Downtown Owl last night, I’ve been jumping into various chapters of the novel and reading on until the next. It’s relentlessly interesting, even when read this way.

Using a “What she said:/What she meant:” device, he exposes the logical framework under a flirtatious conversation. In another chapter, when a man begins to realize he’s been ruined by a massive con, he gets a feeling in his stomach like “when you reach your hand back to get your wallet and suddenly realize it’s not there. “

Chuck Klosterman fans know the feeling you get when reading his writing, like when you have a psychoanalytic breakthrough. And in this book, the payoff is near-constant. That may cause us to forgive him any flaws as a novelist.

But hey, not everyone who reads his books will take a critical eye to them. Many readers of this novel may very well be non-readers. That’s because Chuck Klosterman is the perfect crossover writer. He’s popular without being any of the nasty things listed above, but he’s also well-liked among elitist literati folks, despite not being confusing, cloying or ironic.

Downtown Owl comes out Sept. 16. If you like Chuck Klosterman, it won’t disappoint. If you’ve never heard of him, you might want to check it out. He’s very accessible.

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